As a professional such as a lawyer or first responder that services clients in your specialist role, you are probably great at problem solving but may feel a little out of your depth when a person becomes highly emotional in a meeting. You are not employed as a counsellor and yet sometimes you may feel that you need to respond like one. How do you react if your client becomes emotional and what do you do? Should you make an urgent call to a counsellor or support worker? Is it okay to cry with them? Should you offer a break or even end the meeting? These are not uncommon questions.
Drawing from three decades of clinical experience and my work with supervisees, I’ve outlined some basic strategies to help you manage emotional moments while providing casework or other professional services, while maintaining a safe and professional environment.
9 Tips for Handling Strong Emotions
1. Self Awareness
It is important to remember that we are all human, and sometimes a person’s story may emotionally trigger us. Self-awareness is important. Allowing the space to debrief about your work and understand your own potential triggers —whether through your own counselling, supervision, or mentoring—can help you manage your reactions.
2. Be Aware of our Impact on Each Other
Sometimes clients may project feelings onto you because you remind them of someone familiar to them e.g. a parent, partner or a boss. This is known as transference. Your similar responses to clients, called countertransference, can be equally as strong. Some people we work with may also create an emotional response in us more than others. Staying conscious of these dynamics helps you maintain a healthy, professional relationship. See the blog on working with refugees and asylum seekers using the Treatment Triangle Approach for more information on managing this.
3. Showing Emotions is Okay, but Crying is Not
It is natural to feel moved by someone’s pain. Some people may find that they well up with a small tear sometimes. If this is accompanied by an acknowledgement that you’ve been touched by their story, it shows care without taking the focus off them. Crying, however, can shift the dynamic and cause the client to stop sharing if they feel that they need to protect you from their feelings. It is good to demonstrate empathy, and it is important to stay focused on the client. Conversely, not showing any emotion at all, can be seen as uncaring so it’s important to keep the balance between empathy and over emotionality.
4. Avoid Self Disclosure
It’s good to remain authentic but professional. Authenticity is knowing that we are all human, however, boundary issues occur when you start to forget that you are in a professional role, act like you are both peers or friends, and potentially over share personal information. Do not divulge personal information unless it’s necessary for engagement e.g. going on leave. Inappropriately divulging personal information will change the dynamic, shifting the focus from the client and compromising safety, trust and structure in the professional relationship.
5. Manage Your Own Emotions
Developing the ability to manage your emotions while staying fully present in the session or meeting is a skill that grows with time and practice. As mentioned previously, make time afterwards to debrief with a colleague or mentor. Bottling up your reactions or acting with stoicism will not be helpful down the line, just don’t let it spill out with the client.
6. Be Aware of Potential Triggers
Notice any issues affecting the client that could potentially trigger you e.g. hearing about gender-based bullying or a serious family illness. It is best, if possible, to be made aware of this when the client is first allocated to you, so you do not take on the referral or can transfer the client before your first session. Try not to transfer a client after they have been allocated if possible, or handle with great care. If not handled delicately, they may feel rejected or blame themselves.
7. Communicate Effectively
It can be challenging communicating with clients when they are in distress. You may ask them how they are feeling about being in the session and what they want /need right now. Offer them options to pause, postpone of continue the session. You may also invite them to bring a support person to a future session. It can be good to go back to basic communication techniques:
- Paraphrase by repeating back what you have heard.
- Summarise what a client tells you in your own words.
- Listen reflectively. Let your client know that you have understood the meaning of what they have said and clarify that you have understood them correctly.
- Be patient is their responses are slow or unexpected.
- As open questions to hear more. Use closed questions to focus the conversation and potentially bring the emotions down.
8. Remember You are not a Trained Counsellor
Although your primary work is to deliver a specialised service such as legal advice, clients in distress may open up about personal struggles that impact their life in the confidential and caring space. While it’s natural for them to share, remember that in your role, you are not a therapist and may not be professionally equipped hear distressing content (although you may have been fortunate to attend courses in trauma informed practice or psychological first aid). You are doing the best job you can in a difficult situation. Staying empathic, present and patient while maintaining professional boundaries is good enough.
If a person’s distressing content starts to cross into areas better suited for therapy, it’s important to refer them to a support person, mental health professional or GP for a mental health care plan.
9. Look after Yourself
Working with distressed clients with trauma and mental health histories can be challenging. Make sure you prioritise your self-care and seek support and help through supervision, counselling or mentoring. See the blog on self-care strategies for more information.
Conclusion
By applying these strategies, you can create a safe, empathetic space for your client while maintaining professionalism and healthy boundaries. The ability to manage both your own emotions and the emotional dynamics within the session is a skill that will not only enhance your professional work but also help your client feel seen, supported, and empowered. Feel free to reach out for clinical or professional supervision if you would like to explore these ideas in more detail.
About Melinda Austen
Melinda Austen is a clinical supervisor and workplace and leadership coach with over three decades of clinical experience working with refugees, asylum seekers, Defence veterans, Police and couples. She now helps the helpers. Melinda supports colleagues, including social workers, clinicians and other professionals such as lawyers and allied health who work with vulnerable clients. In her supervision and workplace coaching practice at person2person Consulting, she is driven by a desire to help people foster healthy, productive teams and thrive in their work. www.person2personconsulting.com